I’m going to put it out there right away, I’m not really a women’s circle kind of person.

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I’d never been to one, I don’t see myself as a particularly spiritual person and the feeling of not knowing quite what to expect had, I think, put me off. So when I checked with my husband that he was okay doing the kids’ bedtime that night so I could go to a women’s circle, he was as surprised as I was.

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But this last year has been one of lots of changes for me. I’m going through an unplanned  career change, I’m about to turn forty-five, which feels like a bit of a milestone, and my youngest starts school in a couple of months. It feels like the ground beneath my feet is shifting, and at times like I’m trying to keep my head out of quicksand. Coupled with only hearing about the women’s circle at the very last minute and therefore no time to talk myself out of it, meant that the women’s circle planets were aligned. Before I knew it, I was in.

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I arrived at Bem Viver beauty salon in central Hove, and was shown to the space at the back which was beautifully arranged with throws and a centrepiece of flowers, tealights, and a couple of buddha and Ganesh statues. Characteristically late, everyone else had already arrived when I joined them, sitting in a circle on the floor. Altogether we were about twelve women, ranging from about mid-thirties to sixty-ish. We had been asked to bring a cushion to sit on, a journal and pen for reflection, and an item for the altar that ‘represents your light or reminds you of light’. My offering was a mini Ganesh statue that I had bought on my travels around Asia in my twenties.

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The evening was being hosted by one of Bem Viver’s therapists, Georgia. A registered nurse and women’s health practitioner, she led her first women’s circle at just eighteen and says she was instantly ‘hooked’. She’s been hosting them ever since.

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I sat there feeling a bit shy but also intrigued about what was to come. This soon changed when Georgia kicked off processions by telling us we would start with a fifteen minute meditation. I don’t know if it was the look of horror on many of our faces that prompted her to caveat it with explaining that fifteen minutes might feel like a long time but to give it a go. She invited us to take a tealight from the centrepiece and place it in front of us to focus on.

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I’ve practised yoga for over fifteen years, that’s my happy place. But I’ve never been able to get to grips with even the short meditation that often either commences or concludes the class. It’s never longer than about 5 minutes, but I usually find myself battling not to fall asleep or running through to do lists in my head – the exact opposite of the objective.   

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The tealight helped. I stared into the flame and tried to ‘be in the moment’. Inevitably my mind constantly wandered, and I let it for a moment before remembering where I was and why and tried to bring it back to the flame. Meditating in a group is definitely more appealing than doing it on your own at home, which on the rare occasion I’ve tried it, is near impossible. Collectively it seems to take on a different energy. Sharing a space and activity with eleven other women all staring at a flame in silence, not knowing why any of the others were there but knowing that something had brought us all here, was strangely comforting and bonding.

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When the fifteen minute meditation was over you could feel the room breathe a collective sigh of relief. Georgia asked how we found it. A couple of women said it felt like an eternity, others that it was easier than they had expected. I found myself in the latter camp, maybe all those mini-yoga meditations had been doing something after all.

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We were then invited to take the notebooks we had brought with us and journal for another fifteen minutes on the theme of the evening – ‘Where do you see light in the world, in others and in yourself?’ and we could interpret that as we saw fit.

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The custom of women-only gatherings goes back centuries. Healers, community leaders, mystics and medicine women would sit in circles around a fire to share stories, sing and dance. It was a tradition that crossed many cultures and still does today in some parts of the world. Often they were timed around the moon and menstrual cycles, celebrating the natural world and femininity. It was believed that when women got together like this, they could connect to the divine and seek answers to any problems.

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Later, in medieval and early modern Europe, women began to be persecuted for witchcraft. Previously seen as a positive force, witchcraft began to take on negative connotations. Women were charged with using mysticism and occultism against their own communities, and as such women’s gatherings were often outlawed.

 

Eventually the European belief in witchcraft began to fade and women’s gatherings became more prevalent again. Today, women gather for all sorts of reasons, from book clubs to baby showers, and recently a revival of the more traditional women’s circle format.

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When we were finished Georgia asked if anyone wanted to share their what they had written. A couple of people volunteered almost straight away, and there seemed to be a common theme of having had a difficult year or two and wanting to look ahead positively, to better times. It was no coincidence that this was just a couple of days after the summer solstice. Even though it comes around at the same time every year, it always fills me with a slight panic, summer has barely started and the days are already going to be getting shorter?! But I can see how for lots, it can be like New Year, a time of new beginnings and moving forward.

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As the circle shared, it was not long before there some pretty raw emotions and tears came out. No one talked over each other. We listened, nodded, smiled and empathised. It was in this moment that I really understood the power of the women’s circle. There was obviously a lot of trauma in the room and a deep need to share and connect. It occurred to me that for many this space was akin to a group therapy session. There had been no need at the beginning of the session for Georgia to set out any rules or explain how to behave. There was a tacit understanding that this was a space of no judgement, but of listening and empathy. Sometimes it’s easier to open up to strangers than it is to friends and loved ones. Without bias there can be no judgement.

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Georgia says women’s circles are ‘an intentional space to pause – stepping away from the busyness and often isolating pace of life – to come together. It’s a sacred, supportive environment where women can be heard, held, and witnessed without judgement. For me, these circles have become spaces of healing, truth, connection and deep feminine remembering.’

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After a couple of people had shared their stories, I felt compelled to share what I had written:

Family time where we are all engaged in an activity, like a game, bike ride or playing on the beach. Away from stresses and to do lists and nagging. In different locations, change of scenery and light of summer and the warmth of the sun. Holidays. Seeing those I love happy and light, feeling light, no weight on their shoulders. Watching a sunset on the beach, when on holiday. Or at home, having a morning coffee in the garden, or cup of tea in bed.

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Nothing too deep or painful or even private, but definitely things that are too easily taken for granted in the busy daily juggle of parenting, work and life. It felt good to give some space to reflect on the positive, especially when I felt there was a lot of change in my life. But part of me couldn’t help slightly feeling like a fraud being there.

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And of course I wasn’t a fraud being there, I was giving some attention to what is important to me but often left behind. As Georgia describes the aim: ‘[to] hold a space where women can re-centre, reconnect, and remember who they are beneath the noise.’

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The whole point was that this space was for anyone and everyone. You didn’t need to have deep emotional scars to share. And no pressure to share anything at all, here we were all equal. A couple of women chose not to share anything more than their first name, which was fine.

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But we did appear to all have something in common, and that was a joint sense of deep sadness, anger and fear about what was going on outside these four walls – Gaza, Ukraine, Trump, economy… AI… And with this came feelings of helplessness and guilt, for us all individually about being caught up with our own problems. We reminded ourselves and each other that that’s okay. Our own problems are valid and real too.  We are all battling with the juxtaposition between the problems of the world and our own individual ones. Voicing this out loud among a group of women who until an hour earlier had been strangers, felt like pretty strong stuff.

 

There was lots of positivity in that room too.

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One woman had ran 5km earlier that day for the first time and we celebrated it with her. There was discussion about surrounding yourself with positive people and energy, especially when you needed it. It felt like that had been accomplished that evening.

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Was I a women’s circle convert? Not sure… but I definitely felt a bit of magic in that room. Opening up so readily and so fully to a bunch of strangers was life-affirming and we left all feeling like friends. Maybe never to cross paths again, but that didn’t matter.